The Writer In Me

I was reading through the second chapter of Writing Down Your Bones - "First Thoughts".

It says that we should burn through our first thoughts, to where energy is unobstructed by social politeness or the internal censor, to the place where you are writing what your mind actually sees and feels, not what it thinks it should see or feel.

It's true. Ever since i started dating Wayne, my journal has very much stayed blank. I noticed how often my first thoughts were lost in the conversations with Wayne.

Every little thing that crosses my mind, every emotion my heart first felt, i'd pick up my phone and text Wayne. And they were all forgotten when the conversation ended. So when i sit down and try to write something, i have nothing. My mind was blank.

Prior dating Wayne, I kept (still keeping) journals. Notebooks are preferred over laptops because on paper, i write better. On paper, it feels more.. personal. On paper, i can write freely and be my true self.

I always had something to write about. Every afterthoughts of movies, every debates in my head, every scenes on street i can't shake off my mind, every imaginary stories based on song lyrics, ...
Everything were penned down.

I miss that furious writer in me.

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